English Premier League: Kneejerk Monday

Mario Balotelli says: "Why do we even bother? Everyone knows we're going to win."

Manchester City won—again.

Manchester United played like poo-poo and didn’t lose—again.

Arsenal struggled—again.

Spurs blew it—again.

Chelsea did something and nobody noticed—again.

There’s a word for this. Not boring—no, there’s still some suspense over who will win the title and who will get relegated.

Not predictable, either—who would have predicted the extent of Arsenal’s crappitude this season?

No, we’re almost two months in, and two months in, the season hasn’t been boring and it isn’t predictable. But it has been familiar.

We’ve got the old villain, Manchester United, doing its thang like it has since the beginning of the Premier League.

We’ve got their upstart little brothers from the other side of the tracks, Manchester City, a club trying to force its way into the old-boys club with its new money and fancy Italian manager.

We’ve got Liverpool huffing and puffing, Arsenal choking, Spurs disappointing, Chelsea toiling in anonymity and a bunch of other clubs fighting over the scraps.

In other words, we’ve seen all of it before.

Not that that’s a bad thing. There’s something comforting in routine, something warm and fuzzy about expecting the expected.

If you don’t like it, that’s just tough. It’s going to be like this until European soccer adopts a salary cap.

Until then, viva the victors. And while we’re at it, here are some kneejerk reactions to the weekend’s matches.

• The title race has two contestants.

Hint: They’re both from Manchester.

But you already knew that, though, right?

Manchester City beat the crap out of Aston Villa, recording a 4-1 win that really could have been much more lopsided.

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson picked a weak team against his biggest rival and still got a 1-1 draw at Anfield. Liverpool probably should have won but they didn’t. Manchester United has been doing this kind of thing for years.

No one else in the country has a chance to win the title. Nope.

• Newcastle has a chance at Europe

The Magpies opened the season with a scoreless draw at home against Arsenal. At the time it seemed like a great result. As more time passed, though, and Arsenal kept losing and losing and losing, it didn’t seem so awesome anymore.

But make no mistake: Sunday’s draw against Tottenham Hotspur was a solid result for Newcastle. Spurs twice took leads only for Newcastle to peg them back. And in an exciting closing exchange, Newcastle had several clear chances to win.

Still unbeaten on the season, Newcastle now sits in fourth place with 16 points from eight matches. That’s two more than Liverpool, three more than Tottenham and six more than Arsenal. The season is long and there are a lot of matches left to play, but Newcastle has a chance.

• Luis Suarez is a raycess! Oops, maybe not!

Did you watch the Liverpool-Man U game? Did you see Patrice Evra and Luis Suarez going at it for most of the second half?

I kept wondering why Evra was going on and on. He’s Manchester United’s captain, so it seemed like he shouldn’t let Suarez goad him.

Then, the racism accusation came out. Suarez denied it. Evra is sticking with it.

What to make of all this? I live in Alabama, so I clearly know all about racism. Or something. This case seems a little weird to me because it raises some burning questions. Like:

Do they have the N-word in Uruguay?

Why weren’t United’s other black players targeted? Or were they?

And if you want to taunt Patrice Evra, wouldn’t you start with his first name?

• North London is a sad, sad place right now

Arsenal’s struggles have been well documented.

It’s time to give Spurs their due. Against the Manchester duo, this team was beaten by a combined 8-1 score. And now, after huge wins over Liverpool and Arsenal, Spurs go and throw away two points against Newcastle.

Bravo, Spurs. You’re definitely a big club.

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